How It Started

Caregiving wasn’t something I planned, it was something life handed to me, back-to-back.

I cared for my father, and then I cared for my mother. But caring for my mother was completely different. She developed dementia, and nothing prepares you for what that truly means-not emotionally, not physically, and not mentally.

It didn’t start with a diagnosis. It started with small things.

At first, it was her chronic leg pain. Then around 2020, I noticed something that didn’t feel righter bills were piling up on the table, unopened and unpaid. I offered to help, and she said she would take care of them, but she never did. Over time, I began to see changes in her behavior-agitation, confusion-but I didn’t immediately connect it to dementia.

I asked her doctor to test her memory. She admitted she was forgetting things but brushed it off as just getting older. And like many families, we accepted that explanation longer than we should have.

Then in 2022, everything changed.

My father passed away, and not long after, my mother was officially diagnosed with dementia.

That same year, I became her caregiver.

What Caregiving Required

What followed was one of the most overwhelming seasons of my life.

I was suddenly responsible for everything:

• Managing her medications
• Preparing her meals
• Scheduling and coordinating aides
• Attending doctor appointments
• Monitoring her symptoms and behaviors
• Grocery shopping and household needs
• Keeping track of incontinence supplies
• Paying her bills
• Training caregivers in her routines and preferences

All while working, maintaining my own home, and trying to take care of myself.

I had very little help.

I asked my sibling for support, but he made it clear he wouldn’t be involved in the way I needed it. Most of the responsibility fell on me.

Even with some PCA assistance, just a few hours a day was never enough.

The Hardest Moments

As her dementia progressed, things became even more difficult.

There were moments I will never forget:

• She refused to eat, drink, or take medications
• She believed people were trying to poison her
• She became physically aggressive, even hitting an aide
• She threatened me
• She called the police-or had others call-saying she was being held hostage
• She yelled out of windows in distress

There was a time I had to call 911.

There were hospitalizations. Adjustments to medications. Temporary calm followed by new challenges.

Eventually, she required 24-hour care, and I did everything I could to make that happen-emotionally, physically, and financially.

This experience changed me.

It showed me how isolating caregiving can be-especially when you’re doing it mostly alone.

It showed me how unprepared many of us are for dementia and what truly looks beyond medical definition.

It showed me how much caregivers carry… silently.

Why This Blog Exists

I created Caregiving Unscripted because caregiving is not clean, predictable, or easy—and no one really talks about that.

This space is for:

• The caregiver who feels overwhelmed
• The one managing everything alone
• The one dealing with guilt, frustration, exhaustion, and love all at the same time
• The one trying to figure it out day by day

Here, I will:

• Share real, unfiltered caregiving experiences
• Provide practical tips and lessons learned
• Offer resources that I wish I had sooner
• Create a safe space to vent, reflect, and connect

Because caregiving is not scripted—and no one should have to go through it alone.

This is my story…and I’m just getting started.